Indescent Exposure

When is the best day to start a "diet"? When are we least likely to set ourselves up for an epic failure? I can answer that..freaking never! I don't think there is any opportune day to start a diet, or anything else for that matter. I can't possibly imagine waking up nice and early on a Monday and thinking...WOW! I really hope to start the week eating rice cakes, dry fish and copious amounts of bland vegetables. And really why would you start mid week? I've already had a lunch of Cheetos, pop and a king size Oh Henry, a dinner of microwave pizza, and ate my weights worth of Wine Gums.Who am I kidding suddenly pledging allegiance to whole grain and broiled chicken.
I also refuse to start near my period. It would be really unfortunate for all around me if they had to experience me as bitch x 2. Food deprived and period ridden? It would be uglier than a blind zombie apocalypse during Mardi Gras. Just nasty. So I always wait, till the cravings and the urge to murder my husband has subsided.
So I haven't started my "diet" again. I know it's not a diet, but a life style change. I get it. But I haven't fully committed to it just yet. My husband is currently at work, so that's pretty much a free pass. If he's not here, it kind of gives me the right to eat crap. There is nothing wrong with mac'n'cheese and wieners for dinner. Or chips and chocolate. (I do feed my kids properly, but hey! Why should I eat properly if there's no one here to see it!) That being said it is always easier when he's here. I am forced to cook properly, and he is a big encouragement. Excuse #2...we have an all inclusive trip planned for February. Now..tell me this isn't justified? Like I am going to go to a resort with endless food and not eat myself stupid! Comm'on! Like I will say " Hmm...delicious desserts, coffees, blended cocktail...but wait! You mean I can give all that up for a nice apple and soda water?" Kiss my gelatinous ass. Not gonna happen.
When I return from our holiday, I will kick my ass into high gear. I will hunker down and do what is needed. I will whole heartedly make friends with quinoa, skim milk and gasp! cut ties with ice cream and midnight toast and peanut butter.
I don't lack the motivation. There is plenty of that out there. There are plenty of success stories. Lots of "It worked for me!" There are people who have done it. Sure, they're all motivating. Good for them. But what really motivates me is the people who never had to do it. The lucky ones who were born with the god given ability to eat whatever they like and don't ever have to worry about it. It's not that I want to look like them, or wish I was like them (some of these skinny broads look a little too much like prepubescent boys for me) It pushes me to excel at my mission. If you were just given the things others coveted as valuable, would you see it as such? Not to be to philosophical, but I would rather gain (no pun intended) these accomplishments through hard work and determination than have take it for granted and nor appreciate it. I am not saying all naturally fit people don't appreciate what has been given to them. I am saying that some really do take it for granted. Instead of being grateful for their slender, tight bodies, they bitch and moan that they can't wear certain clothes because they are to small. Or dress like Mormon house wives in an attempt thee mask their bodies. If you got it, frigging flaunt it!
Brings me to my next mission. I am going to put on one of those ridiculous "before" pictures. Like the ones you see on the commercials, or in People magazines "Half their Size" issues. The one with the chunky broad in an ill fitting bikini, thinking she looks like a million bucks. Only later to come to the realisation that she looks like a moron. I went looking for such an atrocity. There were a few, but they weren't really disgusting enough. Not to say I am the most photogenic person, but since I am a fat ass, I always make a conscience decision to look somewhat acceptable in public when cameras are present. I try to wear flattering clothes and pose in the least fat way! I will post one from this past summer, and one from my holiday. I will wear a shit eating grin, and a swimsuit.And we will all look at it and think, "Wow, did no one tell her she shouldn't wear that!" and I will reply yes, but unless you've ever had to take a self exposing "before" picture, you better shut the heck up. Stay tuned!