Road Bumps..Lady Lumps

Holy Hannah!
It's been 2 months since I last posted..what the heck?!? I had the best intentions of becoming a narcissistic maniac blogger, and turned into a lame ass. I have excuses. Just like for everything else in my life, I have excuses. Legit, valid and super duper lame.

Let's get in our Delorian and travel back in time.All the way back to the year 2011. Remember that? The US killed Osama? Beyonce and Jay Z announced their pregnancy? I remained a fat ass? Ah, yes, it is all coming back to me now ( Cue Celine...)

Following my last entry, I was feeling really accomplished. I had received some really positive feedback and was generating the kind of discussion I had hoped for. I had confidence and was excited about my journey and about the people who loudly proclaimed their allegiance to the sweat pant mafia. I had received such great feedback, then BAM! (Or was it a Wham? Thud? Kaplow?) A person close to me, chimed in with the negativity. Not directed at my fatty-fat-fat or me in general, but at my method. They questioned why I would want to make myself so available to people I hardly know, and share my secrets. Now, this person knows me and has for a while. So really, me being fat wasn't a secret. It's not like I lived my life bound in saran wrap trying to hide the fact that I am 200+ pound broad. Really, it's not a secret. It's pretty freaking obvious! This person, then went on to ask if I didn't have better things to do? Implying that this was a waste of time and my self depreciating behaviour was keeping me from obtaining my goals. Listen ass clown, my goal is not to be a heifer, so I think I'm being really proactive. Needless to say, I was rattled by this reaction. I had to step inside myself and ask if I did truly have good intentions?

Physically, I was doing well too. I had started my cleanse (see next post on horrifying details!) and had set a game plan in motion. I had written out my goals, intentions and theoretically planned my mission into the holiday season. I had a whole big spiel prepared for sharing. On portion control, exercise, and the best way to knock the skinny bitch out who just ate a man size serving of cheese ball. Then... our life hit a road bump. My husband became very ill with Pancreatitis.He was hospitalised immediately and it was a hard time for us.

My cleanse went out the window the day he went in. I abandoned my dairy free, gluten free, rabbit diet with the exuberance of a school boy! Thank you stress....Screw you nasty herbs and flowers. I can't say I was upset about not getting to finish my cleanse, but I was upset I had made it 3 days on twigs and berries. (Not that kind..you sickos!) With my husband in the hospital and the kids in school, I spent my time with him. He was very sick and in a lot of pain. A treatment for Pancreatitis is to refrain from ingesting any food, including drinking water. With my husband exclusively surviving on an IV I filled the gaps. It was upsetting to see him in pain, and to see him so sickly. My husband is not a big man, and over the duration of his illness, he lost nearly 30 lbs. He did not really have 30 lbs to lose. To cover the spread, I put on 15. Yup, in the 2 weeks he was in the hospital I gained 15 pounds. Since he wasn't able to eat and I felt guilty eating in front of him, I ate alone. I would take the girls to school, hit Timmy's for a bagel and coffee, head to hospital. We'd hang out, he'd get more pain drugs, then I'd leave him to rest...and eat. McDonald, A & W, whatever. I'd go get my lunch, eat in the car on my way to run errands, then back to him. I'd go get my girls from school then head over to the grocery store. Get my stuff for dinner, and a snack for the kids and one for mom. Back to the hospital for another visit with the kids, then home. Dinner for 3, that could feed 10, bed for the girls and snacks for mommy. Oh yeah, it was a well earned 15 pounds.

My husband finally was given the OK to head home. We returned to our lives with more knowledge about his condition. Basically, as a preventative measure since he has a compromised pancreas and is prone to developing diabetes on both a genetic and physical level, we have had to overhaul our lifestyle. As a result, we are embarking together on a healthier lifestyle to help save my husband from further complications. I guess the same goes for me too. Essentially, it is best if he eats like a diabetic. Low carb, low fat, cleaner eating.

So, I now have a partner in my journey. He doesn't need to lose weight, but the complete overhaul of the way we view food is for the both us now.We are going to share in the adventure. Meaning, I will cook crap like Bulgar, and tell him it's delicious. He'll eat it, then call me a liar and say it taste like shit. Then we'll laugh and say "well, at least it's good for us!"

So thanks for sticking around. I promise I am back with more asinine tales of my fat ass. It won't always be sunshine and lollipops, but I appreciate the support. As I sit here in my sweats, I am so thankful to have people to share this with. It feels a little less lonesome.

Chubby Mamma,
Lindsey